Many people expect their partner to intuit their needs — and feel hurt when they don't. But mind-reading isn't love; it's a recipe for disappointment. Expressing your needs clearly is both a gift to yourself and to your relationship.
It's hard to ask for something you haven't identified. Spend time noticing what you're missing when you feel unhappy in the relationship: Is it more attention? More physical affection? More autonomy? Getting specific with yourself is the first step.
'You never ask how my day was' is a complaint. 'I'd love it if we spent the first 10 minutes after I get home just catching up — would you be up for that?' is a request. Requests give your partner something to do with the information.
Making a vulnerable request when your partner is stressed, distracted, or defensive is almost certain to go poorly. Choose a moment when you're both reasonably calm and open.
If you've never told your partner you need more affection and then feel hurt that they don't provide it, that's not a fair dynamic. The responsibility for communicating your needs belongs to you.
When your partner expresses a need, try to receive it as information rather than criticism. 'I feel disconnected from you lately' isn't an attack — it's someone telling you what they need. Receive it with curiosity: 'Tell me more about that.'